I'm jealous of your bromance
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
