My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
