i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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