then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize