i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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