yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
