you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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