Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
