Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
