Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
