Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
