Too much gin, very little bucket
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize