one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
