Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a search helicopter?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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