Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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