The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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