She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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