If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize