It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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