Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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