Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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