Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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