She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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