I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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