yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize