so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
