I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
