I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
