Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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