Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
