Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
