My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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