And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
