He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
