these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
