You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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