i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
