I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize