You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm too high and old for this...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
