For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
