Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
