I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
