I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
