I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
