I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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