One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
