i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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