im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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