Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
