I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
