ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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