This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
COCAINE IS GR8
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
