he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
