Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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