she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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