he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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