Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
