Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if only i could text you this smell
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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