Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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