Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
