I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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