fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
