I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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