I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
