why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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