i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize