the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
