did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
