I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
