I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
