why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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