I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
