My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
