So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
