u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
