You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
