Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
