I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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