Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize