96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
