Who did Billy Mays play for?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize