allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
