Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
