it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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