my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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