my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's shark week go big or go home
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
