Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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